First, I promise myself to be better
better than before
better than the other times I tried
those times never counted
it’s foolish I know, but not unusual to think so
First, I promise this time will be different
This time I will be different
First, I promise to never go back to my old ways
Those days are long behind me…
I believe myself, I have to believe myself
First, I start out with conviction
I start out inspired and stimulated
I start to see a change
as false as it may be
I need improvement, even for a short time
I finally think I’ve got the hang of it
I can do this
this becomes my motto,
I repeat it
I can do this
the phrase becomes my crutch
I repeat it once more…louder
I can do this!
My mind becomes quiet, at ease
with the lies I feed it
the mind - parched, drinks the saline water
without question, without hesitation
it satisfies the thirst, for now..
First, the days are easier to endure
False pride is established
I feel like I’m succeeding
I promise to keep it up
Then the old habits kick in
emotions collide with each other
that old sinister voice once dormant
becomes active and erupts…
“You actually thought you could do it?”
the aftermath is gruesome
First, the will becomes weaker
the body becomes resistant
the soul is defeated.
